BEG PARDON?

"The people have spoken, and no-one knows what they've said." The situation is as summed up by whoever first came up with this already-hackneyed expression, after last week's election to the British parliament. When the dust has finally settled, and whichever party has climbed into bed with whatever other one to form a kind of coalition, the position for you and me will be much the same. The country is in dire straits financially, and it will be down to us to make the necessary sacrifices to get the nation back on a sound footing again. The fat cats in the banking world, who were partly, but by no means entirely, responsible for the mess, will suffer little by comparison - they'll have made sure that, whatever happens to the masses, they'll be well buffered against events.

As to how it will affect my life, I haven't a clue. "Whit's fur wis'll no ging by wis," is one of the many rather trite titbits of homespun wisdom which form the lore of these islands, and it's especially appropriate to the current situation. Anticipating hard times ahead, I went out and bought a new fridge last week. I think that was the same day my underpants fell down on my way home from the Co-op. Just as well I'm not a kilt-wearer, or they would have descended to my ankles and beyond. As it was, they formed a kind of slack tourniquet around my middle thighs and impeded my forward progress. Yes, folks, times are getting leaner, particularly around my abdominal region, apparently.